Our Obsessions With Impressions
AN ARTICLE FOR CHURCH LEADERS
When God Calls Us To Church Leadership, And Our Obsession with "Impression”
Michael Ewing
September 11, 2023
I remember when I think back to the days when we were just ‘normal congregation members’ (whatever that may entail)... not teaching, not leading ministries, no title bestowed on us, we came to God’s house simply because we wanted to be there & worship. We captured moments in his presence, grew in grace and beheld moments of devotion with dear friends. I don’t remember a conduct of dress code expected of me, or inability to be authentic; just pure joy.
Sometimes as we begin to serve in the church, begin to be seen more in God’s house, and definitely as we begin to be recognized as ‘ministry leaders’ by others in church or our community, that comes with the benefit of other congregation members and believers beginning to put our life under a microscope, or even worse, to have expectations of how we should be in that role ; That also presents the reality that, if they recognize us as a spiritual leader and an example, that they may hold me accountable to some unachievable standard, and that yours and my life may be under the scrutiny of constant criticism.
It is true that our life as leaders in the church are often under the microscope; what we say, what we teach, to some- what bible version we carry around and read from, what movies we watch in our free time, what we post on social media, how our marriage is doing, how our children behave are all under the microscope ready for the criticism of never being 'enough'. I’ve had congregation members come to me because they felt the social media conduct of one of our leader’s teenager was not-becoming-of-a-Christian . They’re not wrong…
The truth is that the same standard of Christian conduct is expected of all believers, whether or not in a position having a title, since we are all ‘priests of the Lord’. We just fall into the trap that we leaders are held to a much higher standard than “them” which is simply not true. It's just that no one is looking in their windows as much as ours.
Years ago, as we were brand new parents, I was teaching as a guest speaker at a church of about 300-400. Mid-way through my message, my 3-year-old son who was sitting in the front row with my wife, ran to the stage but not to hug me. He jumped on the drums and started pounding away...which brought my message to an utter stop.
I first made a joke, “Silly boy loves the drums”, then spoke with my eyes to my wife to come get the boy (NOW), whispered to him 'go back to mom'. It was a long and embarrassing 2 minutes of interruption that went by. No technique seemed to peel him from the drums. Also, It was being livestreamed. My wife came up stage and the two of us (mid-message), with all our might had to rip the boy off the drums. With him in my arms, in front of hundreds, he then went into a kicking, screaming meltdown for being pulled away. I could feel it: "He can't even parent his child, what kind of missionary is he going to be?"
Over the years, similar ‘human moments’ collected in a jar where I thought it wasn’t okay to be human, especially now that I ‘teach the bible’. Unspoken & unachievable standards that I believed others placed on me, I too, began to hold myself impossibly to. Like the board member who whispered in my ear, "we sort of hope you'll be preaching in a 3-piece suit" when I've never even owned one? For a period of time under this spotlight, I started holding my wife and children to an impossible standard too, always concerned about the public impression.
"Don't post that on social media, don't post too much on social media". I started making sure I dressed the part even for house visits. As a new pastor, I started making sure my kids didn’t play tag after church in the sanctuary as that would be considered 'irreverent" by others. I had trouble swallowing that me, a ministry leader, got calls from Christian Academy principal because one of my children did something highly inappropriate.
I wanted to make sure I came in to church with a smile and my arm around my wife. Even if we just argued. This mentality can challenge us in many ways: Shouldn’t I be raising my hands in worship, since I’m a leader and my church families are seated around me? Try preaching with a smile on when you have Sundays that...just suck. The weight of the world feels like it's on your shoulders that day. In what ways do you feel these, when you're made to be the Sunday school leader, new youth pastor?
Now that we're a ‘ministry leader’, sometimes it gets overbearing how we guard our impressions, such as, 'I dare let my friends take a picture of me while we're out in the restaurant that has a bar on the other side or i'll be accused of drinking by Monday...and accused of having 'favorites' in the church by Tuesday. We're faced with this all the time: The congregation member who calls on the office offended on a Monday because one of your leaders used a (Insert) bible version from the pulpit. So do I tell all leaders that (insert) version of bible is banned, or tell the caller to go get a life?
Fear of man is a trap. Protecting your reputation in a way that is wise, is a great thing. But living to please man and fit into a model you know feel’s unnatural, and not led by the Lord, is a whole other thing that's not of the Lord. So, let’s remind ourselves a few things on impressions as we serve as ministry leaders......
1. Give yourself grace to be human
Children have meltdowns. Husbands and wives do have arguments. Even on the way to church! We don’t always feel like smiling when we enter the doors of the church or begin to teach the small group we’re called to. You will have days where your teaching is off, your preaching is bad, your singing missed the mark. You will make mistakes in ministry. It’s okay to be real!
Give yourself grace to laugh at the things that are laughable, and in other cases just simply say, ‘I’m still a believer in Jesus who loves Jesus, just one who is having a moment” in the moments that may not be as funny. When it’s appropriate, don’t be afraid to ask those in your ministry for prayer after a really challenging morning. It gives them more realistic picture that life happens to everyone, leaders and others alike, and a deeper appreciation and confidence in you as a leader.
2. Learn when you can’t fit into Saul’s armor.
We will find that when we try to exceed a biblically-revealed standards, or meet a standard that true believers don’t hold us to, we’re being led by our own standard & desire to make a certain impression. Trying to meet that unrealistic standard can be like trying to fit into Saul’s armor as you enter or walk in the experience of ministry leadership; it just won’t fit.
If it doesn’t naturally fit you, don’t try to wear it. David knew that what worked for him before was no armor, and slings and stones. He had seen God’s anointing on that with his former battles with beasts. When he tried Saul’s armor, he didn’t feel himself. There’s no need to completely alter our regular dress, behavior, former standards or spiritual habits o something unnatural twhen we walk in ministry leadership, knowing it was probably those behaviors, impressions and habits that got us to be entrusted with the position in the first place. Identify what is realistic, what is biblical, and meet that- while being yourself!
When God Calls Us To Church Leadership, And Our Obsession with "Impression”
Michael Ewing
September 11, 2023
I remember when I think back to the days when we were just ‘normal congregation members’ (whatever that may entail)... not teaching, not leading ministries, no title bestowed on us, we came to God’s house simply because we wanted to be there & worship. We captured moments in his presence, grew in grace and beheld moments of devotion with dear friends. I don’t remember a conduct of dress code expected of me, or inability to be authentic; just pure joy.
Sometimes as we begin to serve in the church, begin to be seen more in God’s house, and definitely as we begin to be recognized as ‘ministry leaders’ by others in church or our community, that comes with the benefit of other congregation members and believers beginning to put our life under a microscope, or even worse, to have expectations of how we should be in that role ; That also presents the reality that, if they recognize us as a spiritual leader and an example, that they may hold me accountable to some unachievable standard, and that yours and my life may be under the scrutiny of constant criticism.
It is true that our life as leaders in the church are often under the microscope; what we say, what we teach, to some- what bible version we carry around and read from, what movies we watch in our free time, what we post on social media, how our marriage is doing, how our children behave are all under the microscope ready for the criticism of never being 'enough'. I’ve had congregation members come to me because they felt the social media conduct of one of our leader’s teenager was not-becoming-of-a-Christian . They’re not wrong…
The truth is that the same standard of Christian conduct is expected of all believers, whether or not in a position having a title, since we are all ‘priests of the Lord’. We just fall into the trap that we leaders are held to a much higher standard than “them” which is simply not true. It's just that no one is looking in their windows as much as ours.
Years ago, as we were brand new parents, I was teaching as a guest speaker at a church of about 300-400. Mid-way through my message, my 3-year-old son who was sitting in the front row with my wife, ran to the stage but not to hug me. He jumped on the drums and started pounding away...which brought my message to an utter stop.
I first made a joke, “Silly boy loves the drums”, then spoke with my eyes to my wife to come get the boy (NOW), whispered to him 'go back to mom'. It was a long and embarrassing 2 minutes of interruption that went by. No technique seemed to peel him from the drums. Also, It was being livestreamed. My wife came up stage and the two of us (mid-message), with all our might had to rip the boy off the drums. With him in my arms, in front of hundreds, he then went into a kicking, screaming meltdown for being pulled away. I could feel it: "He can't even parent his child, what kind of missionary is he going to be?"
Over the years, similar ‘human moments’ collected in a jar where I thought it wasn’t okay to be human, especially now that I ‘teach the bible’. Unspoken & unachievable standards that I believed others placed on me, I too, began to hold myself impossibly to. Like the board member who whispered in my ear, "we sort of hope you'll be preaching in a 3-piece suit" when I've never even owned one? For a period of time under this spotlight, I started holding my wife and children to an impossible standard too, always concerned about the public impression.
"Don't post that on social media, don't post too much on social media". I started making sure I dressed the part even for house visits. As a new pastor, I started making sure my kids didn’t play tag after church in the sanctuary as that would be considered 'irreverent" by others. I had trouble swallowing that me, a ministry leader, got calls from Christian Academy principal because one of my children did something highly inappropriate.
I wanted to make sure I came in to church with a smile and my arm around my wife. Even if we just argued. This mentality can challenge us in many ways: Shouldn’t I be raising my hands in worship, since I’m a leader and my church families are seated around me? Try preaching with a smile on when you have Sundays that...just suck. The weight of the world feels like it's on your shoulders that day. In what ways do you feel these, when you're made to be the Sunday school leader, new youth pastor?
Now that we're a ‘ministry leader’, sometimes it gets overbearing how we guard our impressions, such as, 'I dare let my friends take a picture of me while we're out in the restaurant that has a bar on the other side or i'll be accused of drinking by Monday...and accused of having 'favorites' in the church by Tuesday. We're faced with this all the time: The congregation member who calls on the office offended on a Monday because one of your leaders used a (Insert) bible version from the pulpit. So do I tell all leaders that (insert) version of bible is banned, or tell the caller to go get a life?
Fear of man is a trap. Protecting your reputation in a way that is wise, is a great thing. But living to please man and fit into a model you know feel’s unnatural, and not led by the Lord, is a whole other thing that's not of the Lord. So, let’s remind ourselves a few things on impressions as we serve as ministry leaders......
1. Give yourself grace to be human
Children have meltdowns. Husbands and wives do have arguments. Even on the way to church! We don’t always feel like smiling when we enter the doors of the church or begin to teach the small group we’re called to. You will have days where your teaching is off, your preaching is bad, your singing missed the mark. You will make mistakes in ministry. It’s okay to be real!
Give yourself grace to laugh at the things that are laughable, and in other cases just simply say, ‘I’m still a believer in Jesus who loves Jesus, just one who is having a moment” in the moments that may not be as funny. When it’s appropriate, don’t be afraid to ask those in your ministry for prayer after a really challenging morning. It gives them more realistic picture that life happens to everyone, leaders and others alike, and a deeper appreciation and confidence in you as a leader.
2. Learn when you can’t fit into Saul’s armor.
We will find that when we try to exceed a biblically-revealed standards, or meet a standard that true believers don’t hold us to, we’re being led by our own standard & desire to make a certain impression. Trying to meet that unrealistic standard can be like trying to fit into Saul’s armor as you enter or walk in the experience of ministry leadership; it just won’t fit.
If it doesn’t naturally fit you, don’t try to wear it. David knew that what worked for him before was no armor, and slings and stones. He had seen God’s anointing on that with his former battles with beasts. When he tried Saul’s armor, he didn’t feel himself. There’s no need to completely alter our regular dress, behavior, former standards or spiritual habits o something unnatural twhen we walk in ministry leadership, knowing it was probably those behaviors, impressions and habits that got us to be entrusted with the position in the first place. Identify what is realistic, what is biblical, and meet that- while being yourself!
